God never gives us more than we can handle. Should I take this as a complement?

I want to ask for a favor. A favor of prayers. I dont really know what is going on at the moment, but Saturday night, I started having this weird pulsating in my chest. I blew it off at first and thought it was just another yeast die off symptom. A few hours later, the pulsating was visible, and I can feel it very strongly inside my body as well. It goes with my heart beat. I read online that yeast die off can cause heart palpatations, so I just assumed that was what it was. Well, today, it was still doing it. I went to the dr and they checked me over for hours. They think there is a slight possiblity that I could have an aortic aneurysm. That would be extremely rare for someone at my age and my health....but because of the mold and the systemic fungal infection that I have, it is possible. I must say, I am a little freaked out. I am trying not to think the worst, but the mom in me definately worries. Not so much about me, but my kids, if the worst would be the case. The mom in me always starts worrying about my kids.....If that would be the case, I will be looking at surgery. I am supposed to have a CT scan and possibly an ultrasound also, tomorrow to determine what is going on. I would appreciate prayers from anyone who would offer a prayer.

The Why's and What if's....

I heard a really good sermon at church today, and lt lead me to post this blog post. The sermon was about trusting in God through times of trial and suffering. I know that I have thought alot about this over the last year. The sermon really hit home, and it really made me want to use this whole mold experience to help others, even more than I already did. The sermon started off talking about the phrase that everyone throws around "everything happens for a reason". That saying really doesnt help people when they are going through trials and suffering. If anything, it might make them angry. "Everything happens for a reason".....huh? What reason? When someone is going through pain and suffering, the last thing they need is some useless man made quote "everything happens for a reason". The preacher went on to say what the Bible says about these types of situations. It really hit home because the sermon was exactly my experience in the last year. Everything that he was saying, was exactly what I have been thinking to myself this last year. I grew so tired of hearing "everything happens for a reason." Everyone I knew was saying that. WHAT? Everything happens for a reason? What REASON? For what reason did we loose our home and almost all of our belongings? For what reason were we having health issues? What reason were we loosing everything we knew, and for awhile, our sanity. For what reason? The quote, "everything happens for a reason", frankly, ticked me off! Over time, and after alot of prayer and reflection, I learned exactly what the sermon was saying today. I learned that God is there....and God is trying to work for good. God is working to take a terrible situation, and turn it into something good. I know that when you are facing toxic mold, the worry can consume. There are so many things to think about, and so many things that are unknown. Every little unexplained illness or bump or bruise on my children, leads me to worry. I found myself, and still find myself at times, thinking "why...". I finally had to come to the conclusion that there is no WHY. Things happen in this life. Crappy things. Terrible things.....things way worse than what I have dealt with are happening to someone else....and to another person, something even worse is happening. Things happen. Everything happens. Wont it be nice one day when we are in Heaven and nothing like that ever happens again!? The thing that I had to come to realize, through alot of prayer and reading my Bible, is that things happen. As the preacher said this morning, EVERYTHING happens. And....EVERYTHING happens, to ALL people. Even "good" people. Even believers. Through those things, God is there. God is there. No matter what the problem, He is there....and He is so good. :) I cannot possibly describe the comfort that can bring when you are facing a terrible situation. Not only did I have a lot of WHY questions, but I had alot of WHAT IF questions and thoughts. Those questions were the worst. When holding my sleeping children, and looking at them, I felt sick to my stomach because of all of the "what if" questions flying through my brain. I found myself thinking "what if there is something terribly wrong? What if they seem to be doing ok, but the skin lesions and symptoms are really clues to there being something terribly wrong. What if we are headed to St. Jude soon because our children develop cancer after being exposed to that horrible stuff. What if something happens to me....and my children must face that? What if, what if, what if." I could go on and on with the what if questions that I have thought. One day, I was reading my Bible, and I had a light bulb come on. I read a verse, that became a lifeline to me through this whole ordeal, from that moment on. "Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all of your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path." (Proverbs 3:5-6). I read those words, and I started to cry. God was speaking to me....and He was telling me that it was going to be ok. No matter what happend....it was going to be ok. Does that mean everything is going to go just as I want it? No....but it does mean that this will bring about good. At that moment, I decided that I was not going to worry about this anymore. To worry is to not trust God. To worry is to say to God that I do not think He has control....and I do not trust Him. I had to let that worry go. I asked God to take this.....take this burden and take this pain. I asked Him to help me. I asked Him to protect my chlidren, myself, and my husband. I asked Him to lead me to the drs to get the necesarry testing to help us. I asked Him to let me use this oppertunity to reach out to others and to help others. I asked Him to help me to share this story and to help others see Gods love for them, through this situation. If this story helps ONE person....then that is a magical and meaningful thing.....and so much good will come from a terrible situation. If you are reading this, and you are going through a terrible situation, no matter what it may be, God is there. Trust in Him, with all of your heart. Know that He wants to help you. He wants to stregthen you. He feels your pain. You are His precious child, and He wants to help you. Cry out to Him and allow Him to use your terrible situation, to bring about good. That doesnt mean that everything will happen just as we hope from then on out. But it does mean that GOOD will come out of the terrible situation. There will always be WHY and WHAT IF questions that pop into my mind every now and then. I have to remind myself that God is working. God is leading.....and good will come from this situation. I may never even see that good....but I know that it is happening. When I think of it from that perspective, suddenly, it doesnt seem so bad. All that we have had happen....all of the pain and loss...all of the health issues....all of the tears....all of the worry.....all of the stress.....all of the confusion.....all of the shots and medications.....ALL OF IT. Suddenly it just doesnt seem so bad. When I think about the fact that God will use this situation for GOOD, if I trust in Him and I follow Him, it is suddenly so bearable. Without God, I cannot do this. With God? I can do it....and with a smile on my face.
At the end of the sermon today, while the preacher was saying a prayer, I found tears running down my face. I know that God was talking to me. He was telling me that I had come full circle through this whole thing. I have gone from looking at this whole experience with tears, loss, and feeling anger when everyone said "everything happens for a reason", to looking at it with happiness, hope, and love. I see that God is working. I know that He is using this story for good. Though I have lost so much through this whole ordeal, I feel like I have gained so much more. I have never grown more as a mother, as a wife, and as a Christian, than I have in the last year. This experience is strengthening my walk with Christ....and that is something meaningful.
here are some verses that I fonud to be especially comforting
Romans 8:28
"We know that in everything, God works for the good of those that love him and work for His purpose".
Psalm 55:22
"Cast your worries upon the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall".
Proverbs 3:5-6
"Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all ofyour ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path".

UPDATE 11-8-10

I got a postivie result today, so that is good news. That means that my immune system is strong enough to handle the treatments that the dr is wanting to do. So, I started my medications and my injections today. I have been doing the candida diet since Saturday, and I can already tell a difference in my sinuses and my feeling sick. Praise God for leading me to a place where I can get help and heal!!

a recipe that I came up with....sugar free and yeast free. It is really yummy too. :)

scrambled eggs, chopped up potatoes with the skin, organic salsa (has to be free of vinegar and preservatives), green peppers, red peppers, yellow peppers, orange peppers, cucumbers, carrots. REALLY GOOD! :)

Dr appointment 11-6-10

We went to the dr on 11-6-10. I had tests run for Candidiasis and for 5 other types of mold within my body. I tested positive for Candidiasis (yeast overgrowth) and for 3 out of the 5 molds. My dr put me on an anti fungal medication that I will take 4 times a day for the next 6 months. He also put me on another med that I will take for 3 months. I will also begin the Candida diet, which is a very restricted diet that eliminates all sugar and all yeast from my diet. It will be interesting doing this.....because I have a major sweet tooth...but, if it will make me feel better, I am in! I have felt sick for a year now, and I am very ready to be better. I will also begin my injections for candida and the three types of mold that I tested positive for tomorrow (Monday, 11-8-10). This is on top of the injections that I am already doing for the other molds and dust. (I have to do dust because mold lives in dust...so I am very sensitive to dust now). I have been doing those injections since August (every 5-7 days) and will start the Candida ones tomorrow. Well, that is, as long as things go as we hope. I have to look at the test sites on my arm tomorrow and record what I see. My immune system is supposed to have a delayed response to the injections that they did a few days ago. Tomorrow, there should be a raised red area. If there is not, then that means that my immune system is not strong enough to handle the injections that I was given, and I will have to have a different vial made. In that case, I will have to slowly build up to the place where they want me to be with my immune system. I think that will not be the case though, because tonight the area is already raised and red, so I would think that tomorrow it will be as well. So, that is a good thing! We hope for that to happen, because that means that my immune system is in tact and doing what it should be doing. If everything goes well, I will start the injections of candida and the three molds tomorrow. I will also begin my antifungal meds tomorrow. I started the candida diet yesterday. My dr tells me that I will most likely feel very ill for the first few days of this treatment. It is called candida die off and it can make a person feel really bad. Candida thrives on sugar and yeast. That is how it lives. Through the meds, the injections, and the diet, it will 1. eliminate the yeast in my system 2. build my immune system and 3. it will starve the yeast and cause it to die off. I will most likely feel like I have the flu for abour 4-7 days after starting all the treatments tomorrow.....maybe not, but most likely. The good news though, is that after that week, I should start to notice a draumatic difference in the way that I feel, and the severity of my symptoms.
My dr also thinks that the mold and candida overgrowth has caused me to have a possible thyroid problem. He wants me to record my body temps this month, and bring them to him in one month for a check up. He said my symptoms lead him to believe I very possibly may have low thyroid. If this is the case, I will go on a thyroid medication for a few months to straighten that out. He informed me that a low thyroid could be the cause of why we lost our pregnancy this past month. Kurt and I will refrain from trying to get pregnant for awhile, until we get this mess all straightened out, and I am not on so many medications. The dr told me that it would be ok to get pregnant with the meds that I will be on, but to play it safe, we will wait awhile.
As far as the kids and Kurt go, they will all do the diet as well. It will be tough to do this with the kids. They are already crying and asking for things like ice cream and fruit snacks....or even something as simple as juice. They dont understand why they cannot have these things that they love and have always been able to have (in moderation) before. My 4 year old is in preschool where they have a snack. I do not want her to feel upset and left out and not get to eat the things that the other kids are eating. It is going to be a tough thing to do with the kids. We will all experience die off, as I said before. The kids die off symptoms will be more behavioral. They may act out, even act agressive at times. There are alot of different things that can happen because of the die off. I just have to remember that it is temporary....understand what is goin on, and know that it is a GOOD THING! It means that the yeast is dying. The kids were already having some die off symptoms today. We have not put them through all the testing, so they do not have the meds and injections as of now. We are hoping that we can get their immune systems to bounce back without all of that. Our dr says it is possible, because they are so young, that they will fight all this off with just the diet change and the probiotics that we all take daily. That is the hope....I REALLY do not want them to have to go through all that I have had to endure. It is hard enough on me, and I am an adult. It would be very traumatizing for them. If that is what has to be done in the end, of course, we will do it. But, I want to exhaust all options before I have my babies deal with all of that. We have been doing the diet for quite some time. Our dr says this is going to be a lifestyle change....not a quick diet we do and then go back to the old way. We will all adjust though....it will be ok. We do get one day a week that we can cheat and eat something of whatever we want. Although, our dr says that it will make us feel so bad afterwards, most likely we wont want to do it much. The great news is that we are getting more and more answers all the time. God is leading us and God is helping us. He is keeping me strong, and keeping me stubborn enough to never give up. He is heloping us to keep on fighting and keep on keeping on.

links that may help you!

I know firsthand that when you are dealing with toxic mold, you feel very alone. You feel very scared, overwhelmed, and anxious. I know what it feels like to hold your children as they fall asleep, and sob over them....sob because of the unknown. I know what that worry feels like. I know what it feels like to take precious momentoes and keepsakes, and toss them onto a trash truck. Toxic mold is a very scarey thing to face. It takes alot of courage, faith in God, and letting go, to get through a battle with toxic mold. But, you can do it! Here are some links that I have used in my research and have found helpful. I will be happy to help you in any way that I can. I have been in your shoes!!

http://www.mold-help.org/

http://www.inspectapedia.com/sickhouse/MoldIllness.htm

http://blackmold.awardspace.com/mold-symptoms-allergies.html

http://www.moldmadness.com/

http://simplysharonspeaksmold.blogspot.com/

http://www.yeastconnection.com/

http://www.biosignlabs.com/Blood_Tests_for_mold.html

health issues from mold toxicity

skin lesions from being exposed to toxic molds in our home.

our four year old daughter began to loose her hair due to a fungal infection on her scalp.

fungal infection on my feet and toenails.

sores in my mouth, on my gums. All four of us have a discolored, whitish coated tongue as well.

fungal lesions on my face and body.

these are all skin lesions and fungal infections that we have had. We have also had alot of sinu infections, ear infections, and chronic allergies. I also get these hard knodules in my ear canals. They are painful and they seem to come and go. The resemble the hard knowdule in the photo to the right, on my forehead. I also get the fungal lesions and knodules on my scalp. They are very itchy and they get sore.


It has been almost one year since the mold was discovered in our home. We all still have health problems. Although we are not as sick as we were when we were living in the toxic mold, we all have issues, even one year later. I have chronic allergies now. I never had allergies a day in my life, prior to the mold exposure. When I go outside, just to push my children on their swings, I begin to cough and clear my throat constanly. I feel as if I am drowning on my own phlem. I have had allergy testing and my environmental medical dr says that my body is in a state of toxicity. I am taking allergy shots every 5-7 days for at least 3 years to try to boost my immune system. I have an extreme issue with fungus. I have been through tubes and tubes of fungal creams in the last year. It seems like I constantly have some type of fungal something or other on my body, since the mold exposure. My dr thinks that I may have a yeast overgrowth, which will need to be treated through supplements and a VERY restricted diet. I go in for the yeast testing in a few days. I am taking probiotics twice as day as well, to try to help. I have major sinus problems now, and never had a sinus issue a day in my life, before all of this. I constantly have sinus pressure, and I feel sick to my stomach alot because of all of the drainage. I am hoping that after the yeast testing, we will find out what I can do to help me to begin to feel better. After trying for a few months, and finding out I was pregnant, I just had a chemical pregnancy (very early miscarriage) that I cannot help but think most likely had something to do with all of this stuff. Infertility is a big symptom of mold toxicity. I have had a lot of "fuzzy head" symptoms where I do not feel like I can thikn clearly. I also have had memory issues. I forget little things alot....simple things.....this never happend to me prior to this exposure. I suddenly have a uterine and rectal prolapse as well. I do not know if this is directly related to the mold exposure, but I find it very odd that this occured at the same time that I was living int he toxic home, and having so many health issues.

We are alot better than when we were living in the mold, but as you can see, we still have alot of issues. While living in the home, we were SICK. I was so sick that for about a week I did nothing but lay on the couch. I had no energy, and felt like I had been hit by a truck. My body was very weak, and my sinuses and respiratory system were very messed up. I could not breath and I had horrible sinus pressure. I developed an ear infection and a sinus infection. I was getting alot of yeast infections. I constantly had a migraine headache and my vision was messed up. My eyes were red and blood shot...and burned. I felt sick to my stomach all the time. My 4 year old was very sick as well. She had everything that I had, and on top of that, her hair started to fall out in January of 2010. My youngest daughter had several ear infections and sinus infections. My husband also was ill. He had horribly red and burning eyes. His sinuses were a mess, and he had white fungal patches on his hands. After leaving the home, we did get "better", but we still have many things that we are dealing with, even 9 months after leaving the home.

My oldest daughter, is 4 years old. She has pretty much everything that I have. She has sinus toruble, ear infections, and the lesions on her body. She has a problem with fungus on her scalp, and we are having a hard time controlling that. It is really hard to explain all of this to a 4 year old. I just wish I could take it all on myself, so my kids did not have to deal with any of this. My daughter may have to go through the allergy and yeast testing. She may have to have the allergy shots and go on the restricted diet as well. I have been trying to spare her from going through anything that she doesnt have to go through right at this moment. I feel like loosing their home and everything they loved in the home was hard enough on them.

My youngest daughter is 2. She has had several sinus infections and ear infections. She occasionally gets a skin lesion, but she seems to be the healthiest one out of all of us. She was breastfeeding the entire time we were in the moldy home, so I think maybe that has to do with her good health.

My husband has fungal issues as well. He constanly has red eyes, even now...one year after the beginnings of the mold exposure, and 9 months after leaving our home. He has fungus on his hands. He also has sinus infections and has had several ear infections.

mold clean up

When we started the mold
clean up, it was overwhelming.
we didnt really even know where to begin.
Even though we had insurance, they denied the claim and
would not help us in any way, shape, or form. We were on our own
in this mess. This was as devestating as a fire. We lost everything...only
we had to actually go through it all and get rid of it ourselves. The frustration
was consumming at times. We had to focus and not allow ourselves to loose it. we had to toss alot of the girls baby clothes. That was difficult. I am a naturally very sentimental person. I keep everything! Taking the girls little sleepers, baby blankets, and keepsakes that they had made as toddlers was extremely difficult.

we went in stages. At the beginning, we were not ready to let everything go....and we didnt understand the gravity of the situation. We let everything sit for awhile, and tried to figure out what the next step was.

After talking to specialists and researching, we finally understood that the life that we knew, was over. We could never go back to the house, and most of everything that we owned, had to be thrown away. We finally got the courage to go and dispose of everthing that we had worked as a couple to build. Clean up was a very emotional process. It was very difficult to throw away pretty much everything that we owned. We had to throw away keepsakes, photos, baby items, toys, clothes, furniture, toys, etc. Most of what we owned was thrown away. The hardest part was throwing away things that really meant something to us. There were professional photographs of our children as babies.....pictures of us from our wedding....honeymoon momentoes. Throwing those into a dumpster as if they meant nothing to us, was difficult.

thousands of dollars worth of toys and books, that our children loved, were thrown into the dumpster, due to the toxic mold spores. We had the kids stay with Grandma or their Aunt while we were cleaning up. If they had seen the things that we were throwing away, it would have added to the traumatizing experience that they were already trying to deal with.

we had many large truck loads of our belongings, thrown into the dump....the truck was completely packed full of our things. It was very hard to throw away almost everything that we owned.

ALL of our baby items had to be thrown into the trash, including stuffed animals that the girls loved and had received as baby gifts. Bedding, matresses, our pack n' play that we had used with both of our girls...it definately was hard for me to throw these things away. Some of the stuffed animals, I thought twice about tossing. Some of the stuffed animals were mine when I was a baby....I have had them my entire life. As I had second thoughts, I would come to the reality that these things were not only trash, they were TOXIC. I would look at them one last time, and throw them into the trash.....trying not to get choked up as I did it.

our matresses and couches had to be thrown away. Anything that was soft in any way was immediately pitched, including all of the kids stuffed animals and dolls. It was not only difficult emotionally, but the financial aspect was also overwhelming. We didnt know what the heck we were going to do. Not only did we not have a home, but we did not have ANYTHING to put into a new home, when we found one.

It was very difficult to try to explain to our children why we could not go home. For weeks they would cry and cry. They would bed us to take them back to the "mold house", as our 4 year old calls it. She would just sob and beg for her room...her toys....her house. She would tell us, "mommy and daddy....it is ok. Lets just live there and I will be sick." She just didnt understand....heck, I didnt understand, and I am an adult. That was the hardest part about everything. Worrying about the children and how this was going to effect them. How could I, as a mother, make sure that they were ok? How could I make sure that they were not completely traumatized? It was bad enough that they were sick.....but now they were an emotional mess as well. That was hard. It took alot of prayer and alot of trust in God. And alot of patience.

Paper items were thrown away. It was difficult to throw away photos of my family and keepsakes of my children. I tried to be strong through it all, and remind myself that this was just "stuff". But, as I threw cards, drawings, and pictures of my kids into the trash., I would get choked up. I specifically remember one little keepsake that my oldest daughter and I had made when she was just a toddler. She was abot 18 months when we made it. It was a little paper handprint craft. It was adorable, and it meant something to me. I held onto it for awhile when we were cleaning up. I held it and looked at it over and over. I didnt want to let it go. But, I finally came to the realization that it was STUFF. It was stuff, and it was toxic. I did shed a few tears though as I threw it away.

Because we had no financial help through insurance, we were forced to move all of our belongings ourselves. If you are dealing with toxic mold, be prepared. Know that most likely you are on your own, financially. Because I had been so sick, I did very little. I went for a few hours and told others what could be trashed and what needed to be gone through and cleaned. Most of what we owned, was trashed. Here I am, putting on all of my protective gear to go into our home for a few minutes. We wore professional masks, garbage bags on our hair, long sleeves, gloves, bags over our shoes, and changed our clothing as soon as we left the house.

These are just a few of the hundreds of photos we have of all of the belongings that we threw away. The process was very overwhelming and very hard emotionally. For along time, everytime I thought about this process....and especially when I looked at photos, I would be filled with anger. Anger and bitterness. Bitterness toward the person that caused all of this. However, now I do not feel that way. I actually feel that this process has taught me more than most learn about life and love, in a lifetime. I have grown closer to God than I ever would have had this not happened. I have learned a great deal, and I hope to have this experience help others. Help others through their own ordeals, and help others find Jesus. I think this quote sums it up....."Though I have lost much, I have gained more."