well......

Just the other day, I was telling Kurt that I was not sure if the meds, the diet, etc are doing THAT much. I know that they are doing something, but I was feeling frustrated and asked him, "Is all of this REALLY helping us?" This last week though, because of my birthday, we have eaten a bunch of things we are not supposed to be eating. We had cake, chinese food twice, and some cheesecake. First off, I must say, it was Heavenly. haha. When you have not eaten that type of food for months, it tastes quite amazing. However, all of us have spots on our bodies now....Kurt suddenly has lesions on him, an he has never had them before. I have about ten on me, including one on the end of my nose (lovely). Lexi has three or four on her, and Livie has one on her arm. Lexi's head is also not looking good right now....which is very frustrating. She gets upset that she has these lesions on her head, and there is nothing that we have done that is making them go away. I have them on my head as well, but Lexi's seem to be worse. Mine itch though, and Lexi says hers do not. I definately notice a drastic difference in how bad her head looks though, when we eat something we should not eat vs. things we should eat. It is very difficult to keep a 4 year old from never eating anything that she is not supposed to have though....without making her feel very different and deprived. It looks like the next step for Lexi's head is to go to a pediatric dermatologist. Maybe they will have something that will at least help the lesions to go away. I have definately noticed that eating things we are not supposed to causes symptoms to flare up. On one hand, that is really discouraging. It shows that there is still a problem and that we cannot eat whatever we want, without having to pay for it. On the other hand, it is encouraging. It shows that all of this effort to help us get better is doing something. All of the pills and meds and shots, and all of the diet restrictions, are helping. Below are some photos of the lesions that we have right now. It is crazy to think, that next week, it has been one year since we left that mold house.... and this is still something that we are dealing with daily. I have faith.....we will be healed. Gotta keep on keepin on.

**Here is one of the lesions on Lexi's head as of 1-30-11. She has several of these spots on her head. They do not seem to itch or bother her physically,but emotionally, she is sensitive

about them. The spots get kind of raised, with a silvery like film on them. We can scrape the film off, and then they will flake. We use a special shampoo on her hair to help keep it as controled as we can. Last year, when this all surfaced, her head got so bad that she actually started loosing her hair in patches, which devestated her. The shampoo and the meds seem to be keeping it from getting to that point, but so far, it has not gone away. We try to keep her positive about it and tell her that the medicine she takes 4 times a day, for 6 months, is going to help them to heal. She is such a little trooper. I am so proud of my big girl, who is only 4 years old, for dealing with all of this so well. **

**here are some photos of the skin lesions that we get. These photos were all taken on January 30, 2011. These are all lesions that have popped up recently. They always start out VERY red and itch like crazy. As we treat them with antifungal meds, they will begin to fade and itch less and less, until finally they dissapear all together. We have had many many of these since Dec 2009 when we were living in the moldy home. **

slowly letting go

I took a step today that was pretty hard to take. I went to the closet where I was storing some things that I just could not let go of, and I threw them away. I had them in the closet, bagged up so the mold spores were contained. I was not ready to let them go yet, but today, I did it. I did cry a little...and even now, if I think about it too much, it makes me sad. However, I have to remember that these things, are jsut things....just like all of the other THINGS that we have had to trash. It seems so silly, really, that I could not let go of these things....but they were the girls favorite stuffed toys that my girls had as babies. They were cuddle security objects that they held and loved on while they nursed. I know they are just stuffed toys, but they really do mean something to me. I threw away most of the kids stuffed toys when we origionally cleaned out the house....but these few were the ones that just tugged at my heart too much, and I just could not toss them into the dumpster. Looking at them and holding them brings me back to those early days of my girls lives. But, today, I prayed about it, and I was ready to take that next step. I snapped some photos of them, gave them a squeeze, and threw them in the trash. I did it. I think that is one of the last things that I was still holding onto from the mold house. Little by little, I can let go of all of that stuff. I may not have all of those things from when the girls were babies, but I do have my family....and that is what matters.

here are a few photos of the things that I finally let go of. And I definately did it in secret! The girls would have had a cow if they saw me throw these things away!

frustration.....

This whole thing can get really frustrating at times. And the last few days have been one of those times. We have been doing this diet for 2 months now. I have been giving myself the shots since August....(2, every 5-7 days). I have noticed a difference, but we are still not better completely. I still have alot of symptoms of candida...which leads me to believe that we need to do MORE. I am beginning to think that we need to cut out MORE foods. I am not sure how that is even possible, because eliminating more foods will eliminate most of the foods that we eat now....especially the kids. The diet we are on is a modified version of the candida diet, but the true candida diet calls for eating NO fruit for the first 3 weeks. We would also need to cut out milk.....and coffee. I just dont really know what to do. I am not sure what the right answers are. I think that cutting out all of the stuff and doing the true candida diet will most likely help, but man...I am already loosing weight like crazy. I have lost 7 pounds, and I do not have any weight to loose in the first place. I think if I cut out fruits and I cut out milk, it will drastically cut down on things that I can eat to add weight, even more so than I am already dealing with on the modified version. Then there are the kids....they love to eat apples and blueberries, bananas, and pears. That is one thing that I have been able to give them on the modified version of the diet, that keeps them happy. If I cut that, it will be hard. It is hard enough to to keep sugary foods away from them. At home we do fine, but Lexi is in school and it seems like every other day they have a birthday party, holiday, or something that they are serving cupcakes or cookies. It is so frustrating. I do not want to deprive my children and make them feel wierd, but I also want us to get better. It is just really hard for a 2 and almost 5 year old to grasp all of this. Heck....it is hard for me and I am an adult that can think about it and understand it.
I had a reaction to my dust and molds injection this week too. It was nothing big, but I got some skin lesions....once of which is right where I gave myself the injection. I have to call the dr and get that straightened out. I am not sure if they will want me to get a new vial or what. Guess I will find out soon about that.
I am still having the heart thing. I am still not sure what to think about that. I have this odd lump in between my rib cages at times. It is not always there.....and it feels like an organ possibly? I dont know. It hurts if I put pressure on it....feels like it feels when you get the wind knocked out of you, only slight. I am not sure what that is.....but no one that I tell about it seems to be overly concerned with all of that. The only explaination I have gotten from 3-4 different drs is that it may be because I am a very thin person. They think I am seeing and feeling things because of that, that many people would not see or feel. I dont know if that explaination makes sense to me or not, but that is what I have been told.
Sometimes this whole experience really is just too darn much. I just want to throw my hands up in the air and say WHATEVER! I have to remind myself to stay positive....I have to read my Bible and I have to trust God and not allow my mind to go there. It can get tough though. It has been over a year, and we are still dealing with this on a day to day basis. If you are dealing with this type of situation, know that it is hard. Know that it is very very frustrating and at times you will loose it. Try to remember that GOD IS WORKING. He is....even if we do not see the perfect results that we would like to see.....He is working...
I have to remind myself of this.....an thank Him for working in us. I know that we will be healed. I know that we will one day not have to deal with all of this anymore. I have to remain positive and I have to stay focused.

Prayer for those effected by mold

MOLD BUDDY PRAYER, by Letitia Peters, A Mold Victor

Heavenly Father, we come together to pray for our mold buddies. You said in Matthew 18:20 "For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst with them." Many of the mold buddies, including myself have lost some friends and family members, our careers, our health, our finances, our homes, and our quality of life. It has destroyed every aspect of our lives, except SPIRITUALLY. We praise and worship you God. We call upon you, God to restore what the enemy has taken from us. What was meant for evil, you will turn it around for good. We are no longer mold victims, but MOLD VICTORS. We are believers. We will speak things that are not as if they were. All things are possible with you, God. We may have problems, but you are a BIG GOD who will in a matter of time turn around our adversities into triumphs. Our bodies will be healed. Our finances will be restored. Our friends and family members will support us. We will have VICTORIES in EVERY aspect of our lives. We are conquerors who will win against our enemies. You are a righteous God. We ask that you turn non-believers into believers. In times of distress, we will call upon you God and ask that you take over because we believe that you are in control over our lives and you will supply our needs. We have the favor of God upon us. We will succeed. God, we pray that you will move mountains that we could not move ourselves. God, you are supernatural and you will continue to perform miracles in our lives. We trust you Lord with all thine heart because you are our rock, our fortress, our strength and deliverer. We are obedient, anointed, and equipped. We are no longer worried or fearful. Special prayer(s) go out to (say name(s) of the mold buddy(ies) and his/her (their) request(s). When one door closes God, you will open another one. In Psalm 37:4, it states, "Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart." God, we ask that you give us the desires of our heart and you will restore to us what the enemy has taken from us. Hear me, O Lord my God that you will answer this prayer. We ask this in your name. AMEN!
Prayer WORKS! Please continue to pray for us, and all of those out there having similar situations.