The Why's and What if's....

I heard a really good sermon at church today, and lt lead me to post this blog post. The sermon was about trusting in God through times of trial and suffering. I know that I have thought alot about this over the last year. The sermon really hit home, and it really made me want to use this whole mold experience to help others, even more than I already did. The sermon started off talking about the phrase that everyone throws around "everything happens for a reason". That saying really doesnt help people when they are going through trials and suffering. If anything, it might make them angry. "Everything happens for a reason".....huh? What reason? When someone is going through pain and suffering, the last thing they need is some useless man made quote "everything happens for a reason". The preacher went on to say what the Bible says about these types of situations. It really hit home because the sermon was exactly my experience in the last year. Everything that he was saying, was exactly what I have been thinking to myself this last year. I grew so tired of hearing "everything happens for a reason." Everyone I knew was saying that. WHAT? Everything happens for a reason? What REASON? For what reason did we loose our home and almost all of our belongings? For what reason were we having health issues? What reason were we loosing everything we knew, and for awhile, our sanity. For what reason? The quote, "everything happens for a reason", frankly, ticked me off! Over time, and after alot of prayer and reflection, I learned exactly what the sermon was saying today. I learned that God is there....and God is trying to work for good. God is working to take a terrible situation, and turn it into something good. I know that when you are facing toxic mold, the worry can consume. There are so many things to think about, and so many things that are unknown. Every little unexplained illness or bump or bruise on my children, leads me to worry. I found myself, and still find myself at times, thinking "why...". I finally had to come to the conclusion that there is no WHY. Things happen in this life. Crappy things. Terrible things.....things way worse than what I have dealt with are happening to someone else....and to another person, something even worse is happening. Things happen. Everything happens. Wont it be nice one day when we are in Heaven and nothing like that ever happens again!? The thing that I had to come to realize, through alot of prayer and reading my Bible, is that things happen. As the preacher said this morning, EVERYTHING happens. And....EVERYTHING happens, to ALL people. Even "good" people. Even believers. Through those things, God is there. God is there. No matter what the problem, He is there....and He is so good. :) I cannot possibly describe the comfort that can bring when you are facing a terrible situation. Not only did I have a lot of WHY questions, but I had alot of WHAT IF questions and thoughts. Those questions were the worst. When holding my sleeping children, and looking at them, I felt sick to my stomach because of all of the "what if" questions flying through my brain. I found myself thinking "what if there is something terribly wrong? What if they seem to be doing ok, but the skin lesions and symptoms are really clues to there being something terribly wrong. What if we are headed to St. Jude soon because our children develop cancer after being exposed to that horrible stuff. What if something happens to me....and my children must face that? What if, what if, what if." I could go on and on with the what if questions that I have thought. One day, I was reading my Bible, and I had a light bulb come on. I read a verse, that became a lifeline to me through this whole ordeal, from that moment on. "Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all of your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path." (Proverbs 3:5-6). I read those words, and I started to cry. God was speaking to me....and He was telling me that it was going to be ok. No matter what happend....it was going to be ok. Does that mean everything is going to go just as I want it? No....but it does mean that this will bring about good. At that moment, I decided that I was not going to worry about this anymore. To worry is to not trust God. To worry is to say to God that I do not think He has control....and I do not trust Him. I had to let that worry go. I asked God to take this.....take this burden and take this pain. I asked Him to help me. I asked Him to protect my chlidren, myself, and my husband. I asked Him to lead me to the drs to get the necesarry testing to help us. I asked Him to let me use this oppertunity to reach out to others and to help others. I asked Him to help me to share this story and to help others see Gods love for them, through this situation. If this story helps ONE person....then that is a magical and meaningful thing.....and so much good will come from a terrible situation. If you are reading this, and you are going through a terrible situation, no matter what it may be, God is there. Trust in Him, with all of your heart. Know that He wants to help you. He wants to stregthen you. He feels your pain. You are His precious child, and He wants to help you. Cry out to Him and allow Him to use your terrible situation, to bring about good. That doesnt mean that everything will happen just as we hope from then on out. But it does mean that GOOD will come out of the terrible situation. There will always be WHY and WHAT IF questions that pop into my mind every now and then. I have to remind myself that God is working. God is leading.....and good will come from this situation. I may never even see that good....but I know that it is happening. When I think of it from that perspective, suddenly, it doesnt seem so bad. All that we have had happen....all of the pain and loss...all of the health issues....all of the tears....all of the worry.....all of the stress.....all of the confusion.....all of the shots and medications.....ALL OF IT. Suddenly it just doesnt seem so bad. When I think about the fact that God will use this situation for GOOD, if I trust in Him and I follow Him, it is suddenly so bearable. Without God, I cannot do this. With God? I can do it....and with a smile on my face.
At the end of the sermon today, while the preacher was saying a prayer, I found tears running down my face. I know that God was talking to me. He was telling me that I had come full circle through this whole thing. I have gone from looking at this whole experience with tears, loss, and feeling anger when everyone said "everything happens for a reason", to looking at it with happiness, hope, and love. I see that God is working. I know that He is using this story for good. Though I have lost so much through this whole ordeal, I feel like I have gained so much more. I have never grown more as a mother, as a wife, and as a Christian, than I have in the last year. This experience is strengthening my walk with Christ....and that is something meaningful.
here are some verses that I fonud to be especially comforting
Romans 8:28
"We know that in everything, God works for the good of those that love him and work for His purpose".
Psalm 55:22
"Cast your worries upon the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall".
Proverbs 3:5-6
"Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all ofyour ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path".